So here we are again contemplating another blog and with the wisdom and intuitive knowing hidden within the energy layers of the words flowing into a paragraph of thought, my thoughts that is. I have pondered upon the spiritual journey that is mine and wondered how I could define it, or to explain it or share it even if I were ever asked.
There is in most spiritual awakening experiences a defining moment when we can track back to the beginning aspects of our journey, we can pinpoint the timeframe, the incident when our spiritual journey began or shifted its course into something we feel is so unexpected. In my own experience it was the life saving surgery I now refer to as life affirming back in 2005, spinal surgery from a growth in the top of my spinal cord I didn’t even know was ever there to begin with.
Neither my surgeon or anyone else I knew at that time could explain the answers as too ‘ why ? how ? where ? this sudden life threatening condition came from. So I became locked into a place of bewilderment, anxiety and fear about the outcome of this surgery. My family, were all very confused about how this unfolded for me as prior to the diagnosis I had no symptoms or indicators in my health that anything was wrong up until this point. This health crisis began to unfold in the space of 4 months very quickly in fact, that I had very little actual time to consider any other options. It was surgery or death.
I remember my surgeon saying at the time of my appointment I had about 6 weeks, and then I would most likely be dead. He had a cancelled surgery appointment most likely because that patient died before their own operation was able to happen due to their timely death. This surgery was my last possible option to save – fingers crossed- my life. I had a two week window between that appointment time and actually surgery. The negatives out weighed the positives, the likelyhood of dying on the operating table was high, however my surgeon assured me he was the very best in his field of expertise and he wasn’t about to lose a patient this way.
That was over 15 years ago now, and I am still here. I woke up those 15 years ago from surgery a different person. I didn’t fit into the mould I had created for myself and I began a search for answers. I surrendered an old belief system, and I began a slow and difficult journey into discovering the real me. I prayed for mentors and teachers of a spiritual vibration to come into my life. I started to hear the voices of my tupuna/ancestors encouraging me to search for different answers to my many and varied questions I had. I began trusting the ‘ other voices ‘ and I began a ‘ remembering of ancient learning and wisdom ‘ that superseded all I had ever been taught up until that moment.
Along the way I made spiritual connections with incredible soul beings whom I recognized instantly and many mentors and teachers who shared their individual learnings with me and provided the clarity I desperately searched for. I still struggled with an underlying knowing I had although I wasn’t confident in myself at the time to question the information that didnt quite sit comfortably with me during this learning process. So I quietly began a separate journey away from these mentors and found the courage to stand up tall and say, No… that doesnt sit well with me.
I did come up against resistances from a few mentors and teachers, about no longer wanting to be a follower of their words of thought and or teachings. Through fear and anxiety I allowed myself to feel belittled and to feel less than I knew I actually was inside. This meant that I stayed silent about this growing feeling of unease and stayed a little while longer in these situations.
However my team or in my personal case my Interstellar Light Crew and the Ancient Ones, two very large groups of spiritual and light beings interwoven together like a korowai cloak around my shoulders, became very energectially vocal about the reality that I no longer needed outside mentors to guide me further on this spiritual journey.
I stepped away and became totally and completely reliant on my own intuitive knowing and began to trust the wisdom and syhchronistic messages that began to come through to me. In the past I had surrounded myself with so many spiritual friendships because of a like mindedness in our thoughts and experiences as we supported each other in becoming different individuals to whom we once perceived ourselves to be.
When we gather in groups of people of this nature it was comforting and joyful and time itself became unimportant, you felt as if you could forever and ever talk about all things pertaining to your spiritual growth. My personal experience and memory of these times were that I began a longing for these gatherings, and I felt deeply sad when I wasn’t hanging with these friends all the time.
It also meant that my non spiritual relationships started to suffer a lack of attention, I realised I was becoming slightly unbalanced in my point of view, about them and about spending quality time away from them. Fortunately over time I began to realize the imbalance between the two camps and I started to change my behaviour towards both, and slowly began to find more of a balance between the spiritual and non spiritual connections. I also began to understand myself more deeply and the reasons why I was so drawn to these associations, I began to realize that something was lacking in my non spiritual relationships, and in my situation I also began to gain a consciousness about my individual circumstance and I realised what I saw as missing from one connection was in fact there all the time.
I began a personal journey of understanding my own personality and how that impacts on those love ones around me and how I had been passing a judgment of them and their own understanding. It took a long journey of self discovery to come into a place within myself to accept the fact that my spiritual journey is in fact ‘ my journey ‘ and not theirs.
I also began to understand this Soul journey of mine and how my human personality aligns with it in such a way that my interactions with others can become more peacefull or not. I realised that this human personality I have can come with a whole lot of expectation along with frustrating thoughts and feelings on how my life should unfold. This of course can turn into a hilarious comedy of errors although thankfully I have a healthy sense of humour where I can laugh at myself and in laughing at myself I am not taking my mistakes or errors in judgment too seriously or to heart.
I stopped laying the blame at my life partners feet and blaming his apparent lack of spiritual awareness which I formed as a judgment of him and actually not a truth at all.
I started to focus on myself and creating a truer reflection of my own growing awareness and began to find the balance between having spiritual interests while maintaining a caring and loving relationship with him.
I stopped hiding my thoughts and feelings about the growing awareness of my own spirituality outside of what I had grown up with and I started to speak up in a kinder way with heartfelt intention and most importantly love to my life partner, my adult children my grandchildren and my extended family and friends.
I had finally found the balance I had been seeking inadvertently for over 55 years of this human lifetime through this awakening process. I have a much deeper understanding of my life partners reasons for being a part of my earthly life and I am respectful and mindful of his individual spiritual journey is his and his alone.
We have a soul agreement to walk somewhat harmoniously together side by side down the same road towards a mutually rewarding outcome. We agreed to have two children and now enjoy the joy and the role of grandparents to our grandchildren. Five beautiful girls Aallyn, Qiana Naea, Maiarayne and Brayden, whom we lovingly interact with on a daily basis when time and family commitments allow.
So in summary I feel that our individual spiritual journey is one where we can walk down a road of personal self discovery and self love that it can become an experience filled with so many beautiful and unexpected surprises, joys and blessings of abundance. Thankfully we have a catalogue of spiritual food available in the form of books, videos and inspirational speakers to inspire the awakening within us so that our personal soul journey becomes a place of true peace, tranquility and grace.