Our Spiritual Journey is the Awakening of our Soul

asphalt-automobile-blond-hair-1927572So here we are again contemplating another blog and with the wisdom and intuitive knowing hidden within the energy layers of the words flowing into a paragraph of thought, my thoughts that is. I have pondered upon the spiritual journey that is mine and wondered how I could define it, or to explain it or share it even if I were ever asked.

There is in most spiritual awakening experiences a defining moment when we can track back to the beginning aspects of our journey, we can pinpoint the timeframe, the incident when our spiritual journey began or shifted its course into something we feel is so unexpected. In my own experience it was the life saving surgery I now refer to as life affirming  back in 2005, spinal surgery from a growth in the top of my spinal cord I didn’t even know was ever there to begin with.

Neither my surgeon or anyone else I knew at that time could explain the answers as too ‘ why ?  how ? where ? this sudden life threatening condition came from. So I became locked into a place of bewilderment, anxiety and fear about the outcome of this surgery. My family, were all very confused about how this unfolded for me as prior to the diagnosis I had no symptoms or indicators in my health that anything was wrong up until this point. This health crisis began to unfold in the space of 4 months very quickly in fact, that I had very little actual time to consider any other options. It was surgery or  death.

I remember my surgeon saying at the time of my appointment I had about 6 weeks, and then I  would most likely be dead. He had a cancelled surgery appointment most likely because that patient died before their own operation was able to happen due to their timely death. This surgery was my last possible option to save – fingers crossed- my life.  I had a two week window between that appointment time and actually surgery. The negatives out weighed the positives, the likelyhood of dying on the operating table was high, however my surgeon assured me he was the very best in his field of expertise and he wasn’t about to lose a patient this way.

That was over 15 years ago now, and I am still here. I woke up those 15 years ago from surgery  a different person. I didn’t fit into the mould I had created for myself and I began a search for answers. I surrendered an old belief system, and I began a slow and difficult journey into discovering the real me. I prayed for mentors and teachers of a spiritual vibration to come into my life. I started to hear the voices of my tupuna/ancestors encouraging me to search for different answers to my many and varied questions I had. I began trusting the ‘ other voices ‘  and I began a ‘ remembering of ancient learning and wisdom ‘ that superseded all I had ever been taught up until that moment.

Along the way I made spiritual connections with incredible soul beings whom I recognized  instantly and many mentors and teachers who shared their individual learnings with me and provided the clarity I desperately searched for.  I still struggled with an underlying knowing I had although  I wasn’t confident in myself at the time to question the information that didnt quite sit comfortably with me during this learning process.  So I quietly began a separate journey away from these mentors and found the courage to stand up tall and say, No… that doesnt sit well with me.

I did come up against resistances from a few mentors and teachers, about no longer wanting to be a follower of their words of thought and or teachings. Through fear and anxiety I allowed myself to feel belittled and to feel less than I knew I actually was inside. This meant that I stayed silent about this growing feeling of unease and stayed a little while longer in these situations.

However my team or in my personal case my Interstellar Light Crew and the  Ancient Ones, two very large groups of spiritual and light beings interwoven together like a korowai cloak around my shoulders, became very energectially vocal about the reality that I no longer needed outside mentors to guide me further on this spiritual journey.

I stepped away and became totally and completely reliant on my own intuitive knowing and began to trust the wisdom and syhchronistic  messages that began to come through to me. In the past I had surrounded myself with so many spiritual friendships because of a like mindedness in our thoughts and experiences as we supported each other in becoming different individuals to whom we once perceived ourselves to be.

When we gather in groups of people of this nature it was comforting and joyful and time itself became unimportant, you felt as if you could forever and ever talk about all things pertaining to your spiritual growth.  My personal experience and memory of these times were that I began a longing for these gatherings, and I felt deeply sad when I wasn’t hanging with these friends all the time.

It also meant that my non spiritual relationships started to suffer a lack of attention, I realised  I was becoming slightly unbalanced in my point of view, about them and about spending quality time away from them. Fortunately over time I began to realize the imbalance between the two camps and I started to change my behaviour towards both, and slowly began to find more of a balance between the spiritual and non spiritual connections.  I also began to understand myself more deeply  and the reasons why I was so drawn to these associations, I began to realize that something was lacking in my non spiritual relationships, and in my situation I also began to gain a consciousness about my individual  circumstance and I realised what I saw as missing from one connection was in fact there all the time.

I began a personal journey of understanding  my own personality and how that impacts on those love ones around me and how I had been passing a judgment of them and their own understanding.  It took a long journey of self discovery to come into a place within myself to accept the fact that my spiritual journey is in fact ‘ my journey ‘ and not theirs.

I also began to understand this Soul journey of mine and how my human personality aligns with it in such a way that my interactions with others can become more peacefull or not.  I realised that this human personality I have can come with a whole lot of expectation along with frustrating thoughts and feelings on how my life should unfold. This of course can turn into a hilarious comedy of errors although thankfully I have a healthy sense of humour where I can laugh at myself and in laughing at myself I am not taking my mistakes or errors in judgment too seriously or to heart.

I stopped laying the blame at my life partners feet and blaming his apparent lack of spiritual awareness which I formed as a judgment of him and actually not a truth at all.

I started to focus on myself and creating a truer reflection of my own growing awareness and began to find the balance between having spiritual interests while maintaining a caring and loving relationship with him.

I stopped hiding my thoughts and feelings about the growing awareness of my own spirituality outside of what I had grown up with and I started to speak up in a kinder way with heartfelt intention and most importantly love to my life partner, my adult children my grandchildren and my extended family and friends.

I had finally found the balance I had been seeking inadvertently for over 55 years of this human lifetime through this awakening process. I  have a much deeper understanding of my life partners reasons for being a part of my earthly life and I am respectful and mindful of his individual spiritual journey is his and his alone.

We have a soul agreement to walk somewhat harmoniously together side by side down the same road towards a mutually rewarding outcome. We agreed to have two children and now enjoy the joy and the role of grandparents to our grandchildren. Five beautiful girls Aallyn, Qiana Naea, Maiarayne and Brayden, whom we lovingly interact with on a daily basis when time and family commitments allow.

So in summary I feel that our individual spiritual journey is one where we can walk down a road of personal self discovery and self love that it can become an experience filled with so many beautiful and unexpected surprises, joys and blessings of abundance. Thankfully we have a catalogue of spiritual food available in the form of books, videos and inspirational speakers to inspire the awakening within us so that our personal soul journey becomes a place of true peace, tranquility and grace.





What is Energy


So I wasn’t planning on writing a new blog so soon after my last one however recent conversations with a friend had me thinking along these lines, of discussing What is Energy? How does it work ?

We have all had an experience of what we personally feel energy is, a feeling, you know, you just love how being around a certain person makes you feel, your all giggly and happy and your conversations are so on point, almost as if you finish off each others sentences. This person or persons just make you feel good about everything and you can discuss the difficult subjects with ease and grace with these people.

Now the interesting part here is discerning a like mindedness from a sexual attraction likeness. This is where it can sometimes get or become a little tricky for some of us. During an awakening process you experience different stages of awareness, firstly within yourself and secondly about the people or friends you have in your immediate circle or new people, strangers albeit a better word. Our human mindset struggles with the concept of liking someone who we have just met, whom we supposedly don’t even know. We may even begin to confuse these feelings these thoughts into thinking – am I secretly attracted to this person?  but how can I be? I am in a relationship and I am happy aren’t I ? why am I feeling this way ?

Now : STOP !!! Breathe…in…Breathe Out…

It is all okay, this isnt a test of your preconceived ideas of infidelity or loyalty within your current relationship, this can be a simple and truer recognition of soul family from another time, another place not present here on Earth, perhaps from a time in our Cosmos, where many ET beings from all planetary star systems came together to be a part of an event here on Earth. These volunteers from all these star systems were asked a soul changing question that would prove quite difficult, painful in a human sense and even for many a loss of their human life here on Earth. These star friendship connections were made : signed sealed and delivered hidden inside the memory banks within the human DNA. Awaiting a moment in their human experience when these memories could be unlocked, when we can stand smiling with out stretched arms towards this total stranger and the words softly spoken are – hello again my dear soul sistar/brother, it is an honor to connect and remember each other.

Now a few slight hiccups may occur when one recipient remembers more than the other person. This is where ‘ feeling ‘ energy comes into play for us, if we quietly stand still enough and let the energy between one another speak a frequency language all of its own, we can allow that vibration of thought, of knowing speak a language which both individuals can interpret to hopefully mean they are known to each other and that this divine meeting in this moment is excatly as it is meant too be.

For some of us, it can be a Soul connection in the form of an intimate memory from the past, for others it is a soul kinship that has lasted eons and eons and the reconnection here on Earth can become a very supportive and comforting experience. Many of us have had many lifetimes here on this planet, and others like myself have only but a few, in my case five in total which I have complete recall over, this earthly experience is my last, and I get to return ‘ home to the stars ‘ after this one.

It is this feeling, this knowing, this joy deep down in our Soul that tells us, whispers to us in our dreams, in our constant thoughts that we know this person, stranger or not, very well and we can trust their reasons and our own for being in each others lives at this time. A few things to keep in mind when meeting our soul kin from far away, is that each individual has come here with a specific soul plan in mind a sense of purpose shall we call it. This can mean they may or may not remember who we are ; free will being a paramount guiding force here on Earth means we must respect the individual journey for what it is and learn to discern and trust these human emotions and feelings for what they truly are.

In some cases we may indeed be reunited with a past soul love in this time, and enjoy a fruitful and happy time together providing you both agree to have this experience with each other. You cannot however be forcing your energy, your knowing, onto another person because your feelings and emotions are so strong for them. Even though society has you conditioned in believing ‘ you must be together ‘ no matter the cost too others who may be involved in this experience as their current partners. It takes a certain amount of spiritual maturity to recognize the energy between yourself and another person, to discern these feelings and emotions for what they really are and to act in way that is genuinely respectful of one another and also honors the moment of remembering.

So Energy as a ‘ thing ‘ can be very useful in discerning certain situations and or people. Our intuitive knowing call it gut instinct is something we really need to learn more deeply about and to trust it, no matter what others may say to you. Sometimes we can find that the words spoken don’t always match the action of the person, or it’s just a feeling you get, that’s energy speaking to you, introducing itself well before the person actual talks.

We can feel the energy around us, we can tune into it or out of it, we feel the energy of our environment, we feel the heartbeat of Papatuanuku/Mother Earth, Gaia. We feel the energy of our native plants, our trees, our rivers, our seas and all living sentient beings in every form, insect, bird, animal here on our beautiful planet. We feel the energy of each other, some we are inexplicably drawn towards and experience profound joy and knowing that astounds our human intellect when around these people. Others however whom simply repel us energetically, whom we feel uncomfortable and uneasy around them. These are perhaps individuals who may seem to have an unhealthy over the top fake interest in you or even a sense of undisguised hostility towards you.

The difficulty can be when this energy comes from people in the past we have had no issue with, neither a good or bad vibe and then suddenly this person is making you feel strange, there is a feeling in the pit of your stomach that feels icky, feels like a stomach ache almost, yet you have previously trusted this person, shared alot of personal information with them, considered them a close an intimate friend, so these new feelings are at odds with what you’ve previously known about them. Our mind can kick in and you begin a head debate about the situation, weighing the reasons for and against why your feeling this way, ignoring the intuitive warning signals.

The learning here is being able to discern, trust, and act accordingly without doubt or clarity needed in that moment. If the shoe don’t fit first time, then dont be going to get a shoehorn and forcing that shoe onto your foot. In other words more simply put ‘ walk away ‘ you don’t even have to explain your reasons why, just take your gorgeous self away from the energy that feels plain dodgy. Your spiritual Team/Crew/Angels will give you the understanding in time at a later date for sure, until that moment, get up, turn around and say No! …to the experience.

My Interstellar Crew have me so well looked after I don’t attend or go to any events unless I feel 200% okay with the energies present, I respectfully understand we are all enjoying varied and different earthly human experiences, and this entails lots of wonderful and different healing modalities, however if it doesn’t resonate then that’s a ‘ no ‘ from me. I do however enjoy the challenge of walking through certain places and gauging the energy present, and discerning if I can help in anyway to diffuse or enlighten the energies present into an unconditional vibration of love. Beleive it or Not I love airports and shopping malls, these are good places to hone your energy discernment skills, with your own protection boundaries in place you can walk anywhere within reason of course, and feel energetically safe at all times.

When choosing certain Practioners of the Healing Arts, it is a necessity that you practice firm boundaries especially around yourself first, you may need to actually verbally express these preferences at times with an over zealous therapist or healer, however your intuition should provide very clear energy guidelines for you when choosing a person and their healing gifts. I myself am very careful about hair sylists, as they are often up close and personal within my energy aura and they are working around my crown chakra. It may sound weird and a little wonderful but I have a full head of long hair that I refer too as does my Team as my spiritual wifi, so you can see not just anyone is allowed to get all up in my hair, my intuition is very highly attuned so I pick stylists energectially and I trust my Team to bring the right stylist to my attention. I have never to date been dissapointed in the choices I make. Even the very close friendship connections I have are based along these same energy guidelines. As an intuitive reader of energy in all its variable forms, I find that practice improves upon perfection, well a good 9/10 times it does. The occasional 1% may or may not slip through, either way, I love that we beleive in the greatness and good of all humans no matter what.

So my overall conclusion here where energy is concern is is trust your individual intuitive knowing, that gut instinct, it will not let you down nor will it lead you down a soul path you aren’t completely happy with. If you are struggling with your ability to trust yourself, then seek out the help of others around you, whom you already have a significant amount of trust in about who they are and what they have as energy gifts. These ones are considered Lighthouses of pure Light and Justice, and are quiet easily distinguishable in these hazy times of doubt and fear.

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time in a far far far away land lived young girl who was dreaming of meeting her Knight in Shining Armour, her Prince Charming, hoping, praying he would ride into her life and rescue her from her dull and dreary existence…

Isn’t that how our fairy-tales all started, well at least something along those lines anyway, the Princess in those stories always waiting a rescuing  Prince of sorts. This is a familiar fairy-tale story line we have all swallowed down with an uneasy feeling of doubt, although some of us  grew up with, trusted in, believed in them. As we became adults and begun to learn the difference between fact and fiction  we quickly learn that these fairy-tales aren’t real, they’re a distorted version of events designed to create anxiety and stress, a need by a greater power to control us through fear and disillusionment.

So how do we disengage from the fairy-tale presence that surrounds us?  How can we even begin to create a story line that full supports our current way of thinking? Whereas in the past when we followed the masses, and echoed these sentiments as our own, how do we make a stand for our own truths, our own views, even against such great odds?

As we look around the World in which we all live we are witnessing a time when those who are choosing to speak out against the flow of misdeeds and dishonest practices are suffering persecution and disbelief  because of their courageous stand. Irrespective of this though they’re still willing to stand firm and speak their Truth. It is this stand, this form of integrity which I for one admire and support, and I celebrate their individuality, their determination their love of humanity, that no matter the odds, these Leaders continue to be speakers of their Truth.

I myself struggle with the constant flow of disinformation and distorted facts that comes in the form of our so called trusted media, our televisions, programming and advertising, we have reached a point of truly not being able to trust any of our news sources or newspapers or even the information on the internet.

My question again is : where do we go for the guidance  from hereon in? Where do we turn too for the real facts, not fake news? How do we even consider or discern for that matter truth from fiction? It is so easy to become weighted down by the constant barrage of horrible and despicable events in our media, the news carry an energy of fear and anxiety wrapped up in pretty sparkly wrapping paper of stress and hopelessness.

I know what it is I know, that there is a deeper and more meaningful existence to life on this planet, however I feel lately that people like myself are becoming a minority, almost fairy tale like in our points of views, we are hard pressed to find others like ourselves who want too, still have the ‘ will ‘ too think outside the norm, to still have the hope that humanity can turn things around.

I see now how many on a spiritual awakening path remain closeted away from the masses, are considered loners, weirdos, and even choose not to interact unnecessarily with others. Is it the right thing to do you may ask?  I know it feels easier at times even safer in an emotional way to remain detached and untainted by the worldly events around us, but isn’t that exactly what some of us signed on for with this particular lifetime? We signed up for participation didn’t we? We agreed to become Movers and Shakers for waking up the people, for providing an alternative way of thinking, of acting, of existing in this world.

When I began this blog I wondered even if my words, my thoughts, my vision of this world in which I live in matters. What if this blog is just a bunch of words and paragraphs put together in a haphazardly way with no thought to structure of how if may or may not be interpreted or understood by those who happen upon it.

I am inspired to write and share when spirit moves me to do so, to trust in this process of thought guided by only an intuitive invisible strand of  knowing and wisdom beyond my limited human life. I believe with my whole Soul that mankind has the tools and the wisdom to turn things around and for all of us all races on this Earth to begin to see one another as real people, not by the color of our skin, or judging one another by our varied and different belief systems.

I feel it is important that we don’t isolate ourselves, seek out the others like yourself, who feel as deeply as you do, who see the energy in this current reality for what it is, those others who have a connection, an awareness that is greater than what exists as in here and now. Seek out each other and talk about your feelings, your experiences, share your humanness, your own fears, disappointments, sorrows, don’t allow these emotions to overcome you or engulf you to the point of believing there is no hope.

Find new ways to share each others passions, that special thing that makes you tingle all over and inside, that warm fuzzy feeling that turns into the biggest and goofiest smile on your dial. Get involved in events, parades, protest marches if need be, make a stand to no longer stand on the sidelines doing nothing while feeling afraid to do something.  Look for chances, for the opportunities, the unexpected ways that can bring your heart, your soul into total alignment of self, knowing your participation is going to become a future signpost for some else coming along behind you.

Don’t judge yourself in believing a little action can’t make a huge difference, imagine all the little actions coming together to form huge lasting changes for the whole of mankind.  Others within our communities, our families, and within our relationships and connections with others can truly benefit from our making a stand for our own individual truth. You don’t need proof, or examples or clarity even, these times in which we presently live in only require the courage to step forward into the light and be seen by those seeking and searching for hope in a physical form.

So I end this blog they way I started it with ” Once upon a time we all became our own individual fairy-tale in understanding the story can if we choose so, have the kind of happy ending that we can all be proud of in a way that matters for the whole of humanity and not just the Princess or Prince Charming.”


Kaiaua, here in New Zealand 2019

How Did I Get Here


Like this fella sitting here on a this rock, the thoughts that cross my mind as I quietly observe him are I wonder how he got there, like what did he have to go through in his little life as a mammal on this earthly plane to arrive here at this moment.  His eyes are closed as he looks upwards to the sky, I presume the warmth of the sun has him transfixed in his expression of pure and simple bliss, there is a gentle breeze moving his whiskers, he sits still ‘ in the meditative zone ‘ of joy.

How simple it is then for him to exist in this state of pure oneness with his surroundings, not a care in the world in this given moment. How easy is it for us to do the same you wonder, I know this question has recently had  me in a state of wonderment with the recent and loving changes that have happened within my personal family environment.

Some of my immediate family have moved overseas, to Australia to live and I am missing their noisy and messy energy from my family home. We had our daughter, her husband and our three gorgeous granddaughters living with us for the last two years. Recently in October, they moved, as their Nana for 10 years I was part of the relocating process, going in total for at least a month to ease our girls into living away from Nana and Poppa in New Zealand. It was a process that took a lot of planning and eventually the reward was a flight together as family to sunny warm Brisbane. The family is now living in a beautiful new home and the girls have been getting to know their new surroundings and their school, discovering the area, learning new and exciting ways like how their new adoptive land comes with snakes and big hairy fast moving spiders, kangaroos and koalas, and that is just a few of the exciting new things they have learnt about so far. The weather is stunningly warm through all seasons and the air is different, in an inexpiable way it feels lighter, more infused with a vibration of possibility of new hope or is it just me that feels this energy ( pondering the thought now ).

Over the past few weeks I have spoken to customers at my work environment whom when I mention the excitement of my family moving overseas, their response is somewhat unfavorable and almost racist dear I say it, which actually shocked me a little. Why you ask? I assume and its an assumption from my perspective only that as human beings on this planet, we have all adopted a loving and kinder way of living with one another and those who live in other lands.

Yes! I know some may say how naive of me, however from the perspective I work from I beleive truly beleive from deep down in a loving heartspace, that we are all equal in our human existence, no better than each other, however all going through different and varying degrees of conscious awareness. So to hear three times in the past few weeks the racist bias against another country and their people, I was deeply shocked and sadly dissapointed that these opinions, these fears are still so present in people’s minds. I did my best from the loving and non judgemental heartspace to express my views, all of them positively glowing only to feel it fall on deaf ears.  These were elderly ones within our local community, long standing clients of our workspace.

I ponder a thought now :  how on the earth did they get to this point in their lives that this fear is so present in their current lifetime? I don’t normally put myself into such a confrontational space however I beleive nothing happens in my life that is random, it is all sychronicity in motion.

I also got to spend some quality time with a dear friend recently, sharing our mutual spiritual journeys so far with great delight, laughter, and contemplation on the many a varied personal changes we’ve both been through. We had girly girlfriend time together interspersed with great Cafe visits, coffee indulgences and the opportunity to spend time with one other mutually hilarious friends along the way.  We even considered the thought : How did we get here, and spoke together for many a long hour or two about what it is to be a Soul enjoying such an interesting human experience.  We explored the idea of our origins from the Stars, having Interstellar connections we can feel and sense,   just knowing they are around and present in an energy form near us, beside us, within us. I feel it is vitally important for us today to really nurture these connections with each other, to truly make the time to physically connect and to spend if possible quality time in each others company.

Our earth at this time is going through significant global changes and experiencing intense and sometimes destructive natural forces in weather and structural movements deep within our earths core.  These weather anomalies create an energy of fear and uncertainty, the energy created from these thoughts and feelings can become so stagnant and stuck within us and around us that they begin to manifest into a physical form, causing so many disruptive conditions for us at these times. My gentle and loving suggestion is to perhaps consider finding ways we ourselves can sit to ponder the question more deeply from above, move past the fear based thoughts and into a place of contentment and acceptance of our present circumstances.

So the questioning statement at the beginning of this blog today is simply ‘ How Did I Get Here ‘ a very deep and profound question that if you were to have asked me five years ago this question, the response would have been quite different to what it is today.

I am very consciously aware of my Interstellar Cosmic Connections, I have the knowledge and wisdom from my home deep in the Cosmos from a planet that still exists on the fringes of what we perceive Time and Space to be. I am fully and completely aware of the Soul decision I made eons ago to come forward into this life, down through The Ancient Ones and their lineage, their creative sparks of shamanic teachings and learning.

I have the DNA knowledge of Alchemy in its purest form of creation, the molecular and cellular structures that harmonise with the Flower of Life imagery so prevalent on this planet to date.  I have personal Soul experiences of interaction with our Darker Planetary Forces and their energy to destroy and infiltrate at any cost, other species lives and their home planets.

My Cosmic connections are expansive and beyond human comprehension with varied and many extraterrestrials from far and wide within our greater Cosmos. I consider the Angelic Realm my Angelic Brothers/Sisters in arms and my deep and profound love for them all has no boundaries however the connections I have with them isn’t easily understood on a human level.  I am a mother to two adult children and five gorgeous granddaughters. I am also a wife a sister and a loyal and slightly unbalanced ( in a very humorous way ) friend and soul sister to many.  All of these many descriptive titles while still enjoying this challenging yet blissfully joyful human lifetime to its fullest capacity.

So briefly, in a few well chosen words, I know where I am from, where I originate from, the Stars, home as I so often call it.  So my question to you the reader is have you ever stopped and pondered upon the same question, and if so I would appreciate reading your experiences in the comment box attached to this blog.

The photograph was taken by my sister on a recent trip down in Te Wai Pounamu, the South Island of New Zealand.

” The reason the pictures we take never do justice to mother natures beauty  is because you are trying to capture how she makes you feel ”  – Melissa Wilkinson

Ending this last post for 2018 with the above quote from a dear spiritual soul sister, who has her own business which I shall add a link to from my blog page.



Authenticity of Self


The photograph: taken on the 21st June 2018 – Alchemy at Milford Sound 20/6 – 22/6

I sat here a few weeks ago contemplating a journey back to Te Wai Pounamu or the South Island of New Zealand as it is known, the thought crosses my mind what does authenticity of self actually mean? It is a word whispered often within the spiritual communities by those individuals working their way through their own spiritual journeys and into discovering the soul aspect of who they think they are…

Whats does that even mean ‘ soul aspect ‘ and how does it even apply to me in all my human complexities.

As always where this blog is concerned I can only speak from a place that is personal to me and what I would like to do is give a simple yet heartfelt understanding of a few spiritual terms we often hear used in conversation with others and also how these descriptive words can be apply to myself and my own understandings.

The human language and the spelling critiquing that is a form of communicating can at times be lacking in a certain amount of finesse. When we become so focused on getting our point across or being heard correctly, when sharing our thoughts or feelings in such a way as not to be misunderstood, our words can be at times found lacking in their impact. Our speech when spoken in such a way that without due care or consideration, for where those reading these words may in be in their own conscious knowing, this can result in a confused expression which leaves an individual quite bemused to say the least by their mutual exchange in conversation.

So firstly for me the word authentic means to be true to yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, and to be respectful of your own voice, the sound it makes when you speak the written word, it means to know thy own voice to the point we can confidently speak our personal truth of who we our irrespective of the thoughts or feelings of others around us.

Authentic is an adjective, a describing word by dictionary standards : of undisputed origin : and not a copy : genuine;   there are many other ways to describe the meaning of this word  authentic this explanation however has a resonance I can relate too.

I am of an undisputed origin, not a copy and most definitely genuine in my form. I have for a great many years struggled with the aspects of my human personality, unsure of who I was, where I was going in life and how I could even begin to contemplate leaving a legacy behind long after I had departed this life. I was consumed by the cares and worries of strangers and family, what they must be thinking of me, how do I make a good impression on anyone let alone loved ones, my current belief system acting like a prison guard to my own conscious thoughts and feelings, learning to move past all of these expectations of others and of self to discover an authentic version of myself.

I now know my own thoughts, feelings and emotions, and fully acknowledge the past and present mentors who have helped me along the way to discover the real me the  authentic me.  I speak my own truth with compassion, intuitive insight and with a healthy dose of humor and love, and I lovingly thank the friendships that I have had along this journey that is my Life, I have learnt a great deal about who I am from these connections and as I have expanded in my own knowing and wisdom of self I have learned that some connections were but for a time;  a season and as we know all seasons pass through varying many stages of growth. The old leaves are surrendered in favor of new young growth, and just as conscious thoughts and ideals can change so does the network of connections around us. As a simple observation of change within my personal life, I looked back recently into the past and through a list of connections I’ve had, mulling over in my thoughts about the friends who where once such a close formation of support around me now slowly drifting away to become but distant memories in time which feels like eons ago instead of  but a few years in fact.

Having just arrived back from an incredible, uplifting, inspiring and intuitive learning process from a recent Alchemy Event in Milford Sound, I am in awe of the other attendees and their personal journeys, it takes a certain amount of personal courage and immense trust to surrender past learning in favor of new deeper truths about the reality of who you think you are versus the many so called truths others have told you. A deep and profound soul learning that resonates a feeling that has a frequency of energy attached to it that just ‘ feels like you ‘ beyond actual words, just fits within your own energy field. The solid proof of this unique fit so to speak is the huge beaming smile of bliss on your face, the lightness of being in your every waking footstep and a truly magical connection to all things as above and below around you.

My personal journey began here in this magical place four years ago where I reconnected with forgotten memories and a cosmic sisterhood to which to this day as I sit here typing and sharing has me in a place of contentment and expansive love for all things, all beings.  The journey here four years ago was an entirely different experience compared to my return visit recently and I am forever grateful for this time in the South Island into the energies of both the water and diamond codes of which we were blessed to be a part of during this event. To be in a physical grounded state of being and enjoying the deep connectedness to everything around me, to feel the breath of Papatuanuku upon my face during the day and night, to view the expansiveness of her night time jewelry of stars and constellations all decked out into the blackest nights sky that simply stole your breath in its simplicity and uniformity of position.  The depth of mountains and their sheer height which reaches high into the altitude of clear blue skies around you, as the generous warmth of the glowing sun coats her surroundings with a etheric golden glow in which your individual soul is bathed in light.

This feeling, these sensations are the very reason I myself have embraced this wonderful life I have and the journey that has been mine into discovering the true authenticity of self. It is also rewarding to share these experiences with others like-minded in thoughts and on similar journeys and to discover synchronicity at play in how situations unfold for us all together in an alchemy event and also separately in our own lives. I have a life with my family who are completely in awe of amazement when it comes to understanding the why behind what it is I do and say on a daily basis and then to support and nurture me financially, emotionally and spiritually. I know that my journey is unique to my personal experience and that having a loving supportive family environment, while constantly working on expanding not only my own consciousness but the individual consciousness of those I love around me, is indeed rare for many, however I am fortunate to have had this supportive energy for quite a while now. Returning to this warmth and unconditional love after days or weeks away in various parts of the country here or overseas is indeed a precious aspect to my journey of awakening that I treasure and something I do not take for granted either.

A dear friend recently shared on a social media network her thoughts,feelings and emotional sound frequency which I really resonated with, her heart sharing and her perspective of the thought processes we all experience, some great and uplifting and inspiring and some not so great. Our thoughts have the power to alter the energy frequency of every exchange of conversation we have, firstly with our soul selves and secondly with those we chose to consciously interact with around us on a daily basis. This in turn affects our perceptions of reality of who we perceive ourselves to be or not to be, the authenticity of self part and the outcome of this exchange can be enlightening and entertaining to the masses depending on your personal state of mind.

So to conclude this blog I ask myself this one question of thought:  Am I enough, in all my humanness, am I enough and therefore do I understand my own authenticity of self ?

To which my response is a simply Yes…I AM…

20180625_141923Taken on returning from the Alchemy Event at Milford Sound 25/06/2018









How do I Trust, How can I Believe, How do I Know…


I am sitting here with my fingers hovering over the keyboard and a part of me is frozen in fear, I know what it is I think I need to share, but how do I find the words, how do I share the deepest feelings I have about my own personal journey so far that seem to contradict all of my souls wisdom and my souls ability to know the answers beyond this now moment when I feel paralyzed by my human-ness, my emotions are overwrought and I am doubting my own existence.

The picture above portrays an expansiveness that leaves the viewer feeling breathless yet also insignificant all in the same sentence, there is an energy of joy and I am in awe of its frequency as I feel it emitting a sound not heard by our human ear but most definitely felt deep within our soul.  There is so much guidance available to us on this incredible journey into recognizing our soul self, how is it though that we are able to decipher all the frequency uploads and downloads in such way that it begins to make sense to this delicate human heart full of emotions so extreme at times we can barely breathe. I am currently experiencing so much doubt, distrust, anger, frustration, hopelessness and a lack of love for myself, that I am at a loss as to how I can possibly turn the tables on these feelings of worthlessness, hence this blog.

What I do know… is I am not alone in these thoughts, these feelings about my self worth right now and that I can I believe, turn the tide on this place where I am at with a wry sense of humor and a healthy dose of a reality.

Really you ask ? In what way do you mean? This sentence I’ve just typed has caused a big expansive smile to creep across my face and I feel a lightness within which has been sorely absent for a while now. My writing, my sharing is lifting the heaviness in my human heart and my soul itself is finding itself less constricted and open to more freedom, dare I say it ‘ of speech ‘. Now I feel laughter deep down inside of me, who would have thought that a little sharing and caring could move my human mood back into a soul alignment of grace and peace.

What I am learning for myself and this experience to date is we can’t hide away from these feelings these emotions, we signed on for this crazy soul ride and if we give up now then what are we saying about the journey itself and our ability to transcend all humanness into a place of spiritual bliss. You are no doubt thinking now why transcend our humanness, isn’t that what we all signed on for, isn’t it the best part about the human experience, and the answer for many would be yes, however I feel that these gauntlet of emotions with all of their attachments can prove unnecessarily tiresome and not entirely needed either.

So I guess what I am trying to say is its okay to feel, to cry, to stamp your little foot in frustration and anger, however at the end of all this emotive expression I ask that you consider this thought, I may not be perfect, what ever perfect is but I am Me and I will transcend through this experience and I will again see and feel the light of day.

I will allow myself the opportunity to be real in my expressions, my emotions, happy or sad, and I will begin to allow the doubts to fade and for my belief of self to again rise to the surface of Truth of who I AM. My belief is that I am myself  an expression of GOD our Creator, of source energy and therefore I am ‘ practically perfect in every way ‘ an expression from a ‘ perfect character from a favorite movie ‘ we may be familiar with, and there it is again, the cheesy full grinning smile I mentioned before is back on my dial.

Physical Health versus Spiritual Health


The above photograph was taken by a friend Sherri, recently on a trek through our native ngahere ( maori word for bush )  here in New Zealand. This photograph and the intricate pattern work of the fronds above reaching into our skyline had me pondering upon my simple physical existence and how that relates to where I am at in life regarding my spiritual journey. The expansiveness of the ngahere, the perfect symmetry of everything around you, the serenity and the peace that you feel within the stillness of sound that surrounds your gentle footprints upon the soil. Everything around you feels so healthy, so alive, so in perfect physical condition, the smells so fresh and new, you breathe in deep to the fragrance that is starting to imbue your senses. Whatever was bothering you before you enter this tranquil space seems forgotten in the aroma of healing vibrations that have started to embrace you, I myself love the connection I have to the sea, the lakes and the oceans, this is through the whakapapa/lineage I have as a maori woman and yet I am also equally at home in our ngahere as well.

This leads me into the question of how our physical health is connected to our spiritual wellness, and are the two things even related? A current experience I am having as I type this blog is a health issue which in itself is painful and disruptive, I wonder how these physical ailments manifest and therefore present themselves into our lives along with very unpredictable emotions that then attach themselves to these experiences. Responses like ‘ why is this happening to me ‘ ‘ but I take good care of my health ‘ why….why….why ?!!?….the frustration, the tears, the confusion, the anger all of these emotions come into play during a health crisis. There is so much self diagnosis information available via our internet, Dr Google is a very popular and overused search engine. We can spend a lot of useless time diagnosing the physical symptoms and looking no further however into the spiritual reasoning on offer which are also very insightful.

Here is the thing though we are asked to think outside the norm and look at all physical symptoms as an expression of some sort of spiritual dis-ease, and with the many energy infusions and or upgrades depending on your point of view regarding all of these situations, then there can be deep seated emotional issues and or memories causing a physical manifestation. How then do we figure out the what/who/when scenario enough to dispel the spiritual triggers for these physical conditions.

WE have forgotten how to actually ” LISTEN ” to our bodies when they give us very clear messages albeit distorted in sound and energy at times because of huge emotional  responses about what is truly ailing our spirit, our Soul, we jump into the Doctor knows best response and trust in their power instead of our own. I am a firm believer in the body knows best policy however sometimes our physical body needs a helping hand by using medical intervention appropriately and in a moderately and considerate manner. I had the conversation with my body along the lines of  ” so whats up, why are we having this experience, what am I not understanding or accepting about the physical limitations of this physical vessel right now….why/why/why…. ????? ”  My recent health crisis has followed quickly on from a bout of pneumonia at the beginning  January this year while seaside enjoying what I felt was a relaxing time at our family Bach.  I am a Nana to five beautiful little granddaughters whom I adore and love with my whole being and a wife and mother to two adult children who are parents of these girls, I am completely at peace with the bountiful life I have and my physical surroundings. However at times I have a tendency to place the care of others above the care of self, in fact I have even confused my spiritual path somewhat at times with the need to feed needed and valued by ” feeling needed ” and through personal choice and a belief of super woman status that I can have it all and some, my own physical body suffers and a dis-ease or illness happens appearing random and from out of nowhere.

What is the point I am trying to make you may well ask? I guess what I am trying to understand and put together in a simple language of words, is how do we know when enough is enough, when our physical body starts reaching the maximum point of deceleration and the condition or illness becomes serious enough for us to stop: take a moment:  to reassess our current perspective. From my personal experience I have found that my personal limitations versus my intuitive spiritual wisdom becomes a little out of kilter, my ability to reason my way out of an uncomfortable situation becomes very unstable even a little blurry in the understanding of self. Translation : superwoman status kicks in, I forget about self care in favor of  care of others. I reason : they’re family, its my job, their parent,their nana, their wife, I have to do this, yet in reality they are all very capable of taking very good care of themselves without my help. Of course if someone offers help then it stands to reason that we will say Yes…but in reality we can all benefit from putting a few healthy boundaries in place and stepping back and reassessing a situation from more of an observation perspective instead of an emotional one.

So what I myself have learned so far is healthy boundaries produce a healthy perspective which translates into a healthy body, mind and spirit. That’s simple right, easy to understand and practice you say, well it can be if we allow it to be this way for ourselves on a day to day basis, I have found that our personal health is an aspect we sometimes are prepared to gamble with, on a ‘ never ever plan ‘ of this will never happen to me situation. Reality checklist : tells me again from personal experience, don’t gamble, it can and will manifest into a dis-ease you may end up struggling with for an indefinite time frame unplanned and unwanted in its eventual outcome.

Our personal spiritual journey doesn’t need to be a difficult one, as we emotional mature through the many soul lessons we all signed on for and we grade our lessons learnt with a big A+ then our result will surely stand the test of time and our physical bodies will become stronger fitter vessels to house our ever expanding growing spirit with beauty and grace. This secondary health issue has allowed me the time of reflection on my personal situation and to view it with a healthy dose of humor, tolerance and compassion and I will try to in my future be kinder to the physical Me which in turns becomes a more resilient and illuminating spiritual Me…

( P.S. my healing crisis has been resolved and my personal experience I felt was too important not to share in this blog … )